Writing Superpowers


Superpowers. We have them (well…we have the imagination to pretend we do).

Power Nap Maneuver

Writing-Super-Powers_Power-NapYou thought it necessary to stay up until 2 a.m. for the seventh night in a row because you have all of those blog entries to write in addition to manuscript revisions and if you don’t tweet right now–#writing–you will never sell a book for as long as you live. But your brain seems to be on strike… Now why would that be? This is a job for the Power Nap Maneuver! The Maneuver includes the ability to sleep through a mid-day session of the fiercest 20-kid game of hide-and-seek-while-violently-and-blindly-throwing-a-ball-around. You may startle awake when projectiles smash into your gated door or threaten to cave in your roof, but you’ll be back in Mr. Darcy’s arms a second later like nothing happened.

Caffeine Super-Charge

Related to the Power Nap Maneuver, the Caffeine Super-Charge allows you to pay no heed to the normal hours/quantities of coffee beverage intake to which one is supposed to ascribe. There’s writing to be done! Have a grande cappuccino at 6 p.m. and pop a pod into the Keurig three hours later. It ain’t no thang.

Freudian Mindmeld
Writing Super Powers_Mindmeld

While your friends think they’re having a casual chat with you, you’re actually stealing into their brains to psychoanalyze their every word. The Freudian Mindmeld is enhanced by the ability to store this information for years and unconsciously incorporate it into stories written down the line. This ability does not always come with the common sense to artfully mask stories based on real events and people so that they can’t be traced back to a source.

Bubble of Solitude

It may not be a fortress, but it gets the job done and it’s transportable. How do you like them apples, Kal-El? The Bubble of Solitude can be cast anywhere at any time. At a party when you’re randomly and suddenly struck by a solution to that sticky plot problem you’ve been struggling with? Break out your journal and cast the Bubble of Solitude. You won’t even notice that one guy with the electrical tape pasties doing a strip tease for his best guy friend.

Reading Deathray

I’m sorry, LeVar Burton; reading isn’t a leisurely romp through flower fields on butterfly wings. Books must be dissected and consumed, one after another. With the Reading Deathray, you are able to destroy sentences and paragraphs while analyzing word usage, symbolism, and form and structure at alarming speeds. Stand back, citizens! You don’t want to witness this chilling inkbath.



11 thoughts on “Writing Superpowers

    • I think your Caffeine Super-Charge will eventually force you into a Power Narcolepsy Maneuver. This is the chaotic variant of the Power Nap Maneuver and should be avoided if one can help it. 😉

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